Caffeinated Muscle Man

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! I love coffee and thanks to six years at Starbucks and various road trips with Suzy, my obsession has only grown. The other day I stumbled across an amusing article about what your coffee drink says about you. Well ladies and gents, it’s about to get real. Ok, not really, but take a look at what the good Dr. Ozs says. Does your coffee drink scream “THIS IS ME!”? I’m a black coffee girl and I certainly am quiet and moody, so it fits. Black coffee drinkers were straight up, straightforward and no-nonsense. Whereas those decaf, double tall, soy, extra-foam lads had more OCD than JLo on a world tour. The latte drinkers tended more to the neurotic and being people pleasers, while the instant coffee drinkers had a greater likelihood of being procrastinators. Finally, the people that made me hate working at the Bux, ie, Frappaccino orderers, were the overgrown bratty kids who retained the taste buds (and thought process) of children.




Did you order that coffee, or did that coffee order you? The type of coffee you order may speak more about your personality than you think.

This concept was based on my research, which included observation, work done in other countries and even a survey of over 1,000 coffee drinkers. The survey assessed numerous common personality styles and traits including: introversion/extraversion, patience, perfectionism, warmth, vigilance, sensitivity and social boldness among others.

People were given common scenarios such as how they approach waiting in a long line, planning a dinner party or what their weekends look like and asked to choose from a series of approaches to these scenarios. The survey also asked them if they drink coffee and what they typically order – and the results were not that surprising.

Take a look at this coffee summary and see where you fall:


Black coffee
Old school

The Light Side

Keep things simple

The Dark Side
Can be quiet and moody
Abrupt and dismissive
Sort of set in their ways
Resistant to making changes


Latte drinkers (folks who add milk/cream and sugar)
Comfort seekers
People pleasers
The Light Side

Open book
Like to soften the bitterness of life (like they soften the bitterness of coffee)
Generous with time
Will go out of their way to help others

The Dark Side

Can get over-extended
Don’t always take great care of themselves


Frozen/blended coffee drinks
Try lots of new things
Socially bold
The Light Side

The Dark Side

Fall for quick fixes
Don’t always make healthy choices
Can be reckless


Decaf/soy milk/Very specifically ordered coffee
Like being in control
May be labeled selfish
The Light Side

Very aware of their health and bodies
Monitor their health
Tend to make healthy choices

The Dark Side

Overfocus on rules, control and order
Overly sensitive
Tend to be worriers


Instant coffee
Traditional in some ways
Laid back

The Light Side
Take life as it comes
Don’t get too lost in details
Too laid back
The Dark Side

Put things off and may neglect basic health issues
Poor planners


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